My Fundraising Page

37 Days! I'm going to run a marathon
Sep 05, 2013 by Elyse Anders

Three years ago I started running.

I had two goals:

1. To lose 100 lbs.

2. To run a marathon.

I've come a long way. And it's hard to believe it's only been three years. I've taken many a months-long hiatus. Dealt with chronic pain. Injuries. Moved across the country. Shaved my head for children with cancer. Climbed the Willis/Sears Tower twice. And even threw in cancer surviving for good measure.

Earlier this year, I achieved my first goal. I lost 100 lbs. In fact, I've lost 119.5 lbs to date.

And with that out of the way, my body is about as ready as it will ever be to tackle goal 2... and in 37 days, I am going to run a marathon.

I'm going to run a marathon.

I will run a marathon.

I am able to run a marathon.

I am ready to run a marathon.

I am a marathoner.

I've been training for this since February. I've raised thousands of dollars for LLS. I've run 3 half marathons to prepare. I've endured the Texas sun. I've endured double-digit mile runs so early, I watched people stumble out of bars after last call as I laced up my shoes and checked my playlist. I've endured pain. I've endured hills. I've endured hospitals. I've endured when my toenails could not. I've endured marathon training with a body incapable of following anything close to being able to consume adequate marathon-training nutrition.

And it's worth it because I am going to run a marathon.

My friends and family have sacrificed so much. It costs a lot of time. It costs a lot of emotion. It costs money to support a charity marathoner. And I thank everyone who has sacrificed anything at all to help me achieve this.

I could not do this withouth you.

I am just 37 days and $1228 dollars away from my goal. If you haven't donated yet, please do. I've run hundreds of miles so far. I've got hundreds more in me. And I will run them all if I can help cure cancer by doing it.

Aug 13, 2013 by Elyse Anders

Quick training update:

A week and a half ago, I ran 16 miles on a training run.

It hurt.

A lot.

Then, after the pain subsided, I broke down crying in my car.

A year and a half ago, I had a tumor in my stomach. I was 260 lbs. I had fumbled many attempts to start couch to 5K and maintain that level of fitness.

Now? Now I am a woman who can run 16 miles. And in a few weeks, I will be a woman who can run 10.2 more than that.

That, my friends, is a lot to come to terms with while you're sitting at the red light next to Starbucks on a Sunday afternoon.

It's a struggle. But nothing worth doing is easy.

Yo Shawty! It's my Birthday!
Jun 10, 2013 by Elyse Anders

Oh hey! Check it out! It's my birthday this weekend!

What would I like for my birthday? YOU'RE SO KIND TO ASK! I know you want to get me a HUGE expensive gift, luck for you, my friend, I have a single huge and expensive request:

I want to make the world a better place by funding ALL the blood cancer research and patient support. All of it.

So, can I have it? Pleeeeeease?

I know that several billion dollars is more than you were probably spending on me this year. Maybe you could just help fund a little bit. Maybe just a few thousand dollars? Maybe as a group gift?

Like, what if everyone chips in just ten cents for every mile I'm running at the Chicago Marathon? That's just $2.62. And, if everyone who follows me on Twitter and Facebook donated that $2.62, by my birthday I'll have raised almost $16,000 for cancer research. $16,000. That's a lot of money! But curing cancer costs a lot of money. Every little bit helps.

My birthday is Saturday. Between now and then 720 people will die from blood cancer and 1800 will be diagnosed. That means that week alone, while I celebrate my birthday, over 2500 people and their families will have their lives torn apart and destroyed. They deserve better.

I'm going to run 26.2 miles for these patients and their families. All you have to do is throw in a few cents.

So... can I PLEASE have cancer research for my birthday? PLEASE?

May 06, 2013 by Elyse Anders

Yes, it's true, if you donate $30, I will dent one of these ping pong balls for you and mail it to you.

Maybe you think that's a lot of money for a destroyed ping pong ball... but I asssure you, this is a STEAL.

A concept borne of pure drunken stupidity masquerading as brilliance combined with Amazon 1-Click and a desire to start an internet proletariat uprising in response to Wil Wheaton, PING PONG FOR THE PEOPLE is an utterly ridiculous attempt to raise money for an important cause.

If you'd like one, just donate $30, include your mailing address and I will send you a ball, crushed to perfection.

(For background on PING PONG FOR THE PEOPLE, how I got drunk and ended up with ping pong balls that I'm selling so I can run a marathon, you can read this Skepchick article.)

Run Like a Mofo
Mar 04, 2013 by Elyse Anders

What am I doing here? Nothing much. Just, you know, running the Chicago Marathon and killing cancer.

I need you to do me a favor and read this like I'm writing it as a totally calm, collected and confident lady who is running a marathon because it's what people do. We're going to pretend that I'm not having an anxiety attack and choking down vomit while tears of terror are soaking my face... and pilllow... and couch and carpet... We're going to pretend I can totally breathe and my heart rate is a healthy 75 bpm... hell, 55bpm... I'M A FREAKING MARATHON RUNNER. And I definitely need to to not picture me drinking this Immodium martini.

So yeah, I'm running the Chicago Marathon. It's not a big deal. It's just 26.2 miles. And it's Chicago, so it's not even like there's hills or anything. How hard can it be? 40,000 people do it every year. EASY PEASY MOFO SQUEAZY.

But I'm not just running a couple baker's dozens of miles. I'm also raising money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Because EFF CANCER. Cancer is the worst. And we need to end that shit. And LLS is working on that as well as helping to support those who are fighting the disease. And I think raising a few dollars to help them end blood cancers is a pretty worthy goal.

Oh, and did I mention I'm doing this WITHOUT A STOMACH? Yeah. I don't have one. Mine was taken out thanks to a sneaky tumor that decided to declare squatters rights all up in there. So, that's kind of a BFD. It actually makes training trickier. My diet is trickier. Hydration is trickier. But trickier is not impossibl-er, and I can make this happen. If 40,000 able-bodied people can run it, certainly ONE lady without a stomach can. And I will be that lady. Because it needs to happen. Because cancer isn't going away on it's own. And chances are, someone you know is living a life affected by cancer right now. Right now, almost 1 million Americans are living with or are in remission from, leukemia, Hodgkin lymphoma, non-Hodgkin lymphoma or myeloma. Every four minutes, someone new is diagnosed with blood cancer. Every 10 minutes, someone dies of the disease.

So I'm running.

And I hope you can support me and the LLS by donating to my marathon fund.

And I urge you to do more. Once you've donated, please become a member of the National Bone Marrow Registryand sign up to be a marrow donor. You don't have a run a marathon to save someone's life.

Older posts

Supporter Comments

    "Rather than send me the ball, you could just write my name on it and then smash it next time I say something stupid on Skepchick - Buzz Parsec "

    John Santos

    Mon May 06 05:10:13 EDT 2013

    "Go Elyse! Please sign the ball - you are a hero to me."


    Mon May 06 04:54:54 EDT 2013

    "I hope my donation will encourage you to more feats of sloppy drunk brilliance! "

    Bob Blaskiewicz

    Mon May 06 03:39:04 EDT 2013

    "I've long been a huge admirer of yours. You're a brilliant writer and an awesome activist. So it doesn't surprise me at all that you have more than enough balls to run a marathon without a stomach. :o) I would like you to simply sign my ball, "Elyse MoFo Anders"."

    TS Robinson

    Mon May 06 03:28:24 EDT 2013

    "Please write "spare" and "fuck cancer" on mine. It's for a friend who survived testicular cancer."

    Monette Richards

    Mon May 06 02:05:34 EDT 2013

    "Please let my ping ping ball live. I am "

    Tony Marengo

    Mon May 06 12:00:25 EDT 2013

    "Kick some cancer ass"


    Sun May 05 12:58:23 EDT 2013

    "Go kick cancer's butt. "

    Joseph Wojnowski

    Sat May 04 03:02:19 EDT 2013

    "Go Elyse!"


    Tue Mar 05 08:01:43 EST 2013

My Fundraising Total

Raised: $810.00 | Goal: $4,000.00
20 %

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We are sorry donations are no longer being accepted for this participant for this event.

My Thanks To

TS Robinson $100.00
John Santos $50.00
Monette Richards $30.00
Bob Blaskiewicz  
Tony Marengo  
Joseph Wojnowski  
Jack and Pat Marengo  
Michael Duchek  
Kathryn Huxtable