I have a weird bucket list item of wanting to punch someone. It doesn't have to be in the face or super violent, but I always imagine it being a bar fight where some girl gets mouthy or cuts in line when I'm trying to get my fifth glass of wine because that would definitely be a good reason for it. This is a weird introduction, but bear with me. I don't know why this is on my bucket list, as I've never been physically punched and I have no idea what it feels like or what the aftermath looks like. However, I can tell you what it feels like to metaphorically be punched in the gut. The air leaves your lungs and tears usually well up in your eyes and you feel completely and utterly... helpless. Not only can you not help anyone in that state, but you also feel as if no one can help you.

One of our teammates found out last night that her father has been diagnosed with ALL (Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia), and not only can I absolutely imagine that she felt that way, but for some reason I felt that way with her. Sometimes even when you don't know someone very well, their situation can resonate with you just as truly as if you'd been best friends for years. Team in Training has always been close to my heart. I've never had a direct connection of having to go through the loss of a loved one to cancer. I know that grandparents have died from cancer, but I was either not born yet or too young to truly understand what was happening. But over the years I have met countless teammates who have either experienced it themselves or walked through it with a parent, spouse, sibling, grandparent, child... Those connections were what made me keep signing up to keep fundraising and keep fighting. Because while it wasn't from cancer, I knew the agony of losing a parent. I'll have to summarize.

When I was a sophomore in high school, I found out that my father had sleep apnea, depression, anxiety, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and a host of other health issues - on top of being a severe alcoholic. It's strange when you're at a point in your life where you want to rebel and express your independence, but you also see a potential end in sight of your relationship with your parent. Over the next several years and into college, I watched my father bounce back and forth between the absolute lowest lows and something in the middle where we believed he'd make it out of the darkness of his disease. When he finally lost to alcoholism one month before I graduated college, I didn't know how I'd move on. He had been such a huge part of my motivation and drive and now he was gone, what seemed like moments before I was set to embark on my biggest adventure yet - the real world. It is because I persevered through that pain and that anguish that I've never not believed that I could do endurance events with Team in Training. The pain of losing someone who feels like your entire world is far more painful than completing an Ironman. BUT it is possible to get through it.

That's a lesson that TNT has taught me over and over again. It's possible to run a marathon. It's possible to learn to swim and then complete a triathlon. It's possible to ride a bike with missing limbs. It's possible to receive the diagnosis of death... and still beat it.

So Michelle, we are all here for you. We are by your side to say that many of us have been where you are and you are absolutely not alone. Even if it isn't cancer, I've seen that darkness and felt that sucker punch. No matter the outcome, you will always have the team fighting with you. And we keep fighting until those sucker punches stop. We keep fighting until a cure is found.

Go Team.

TIME FOR MORE TEAM IN TRAINING! 

Ten years ago I essentially had nothing better to do than stick it out with my three best friends as they ran a marathon with Team in Training. Little did I know that this organization and the people in it would absolutely change my life. Now, ten years and countless races later, I get to do something AWESOME. Not only do I get to do a half Ironman with about THIRTY of my best friends, I get to hit an incredible personal goal. 

Each race has its own fundraising minimum (as I'm sure you're aware). Some races I've just barely hit the minimum and others I've managed to get past it. For this race, I am only $2,457 away from a lifetime fundraising total of TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS. $20,000 that has gone towards cancer research and patient services to provide HOPE. This race is all about hitting that goal and personally knowing how much good the people in my life have accomplished. 

This isn't a new thing so I won't keep rehashing the details about how great TNT and LLS are and the sweet battle wounds I've gained from them, but I will try to talk more about how people in my life have been affected. When the TNT journey began for me, it wasn't because of a personal connection to the cause. Now having been part of it for a while, it is so much closer. 

Over the next few months, I'll post about the people that I'm swimming and biking and running for, and hopefully together we can hit that $20k mark! 

GO TEAM!