Heather's Running for Baily!

Rock N Roll Seattle 2010!

It's Time to Train!

Welcome to my Team In Training home page.

Weekly Update:

*****Today was race day!!! I ran the Rock n Roll Seattle Marathon finally today. I actually ran a full marathon, 26.2 miles. After all the hard work, all the training, all the emotion, I did it. I ran that marathon as best as I could and I made it across the finish line in 4 hours and 25 minutes, according to the Hot Wheels stopwatch that I have carried on every single run.

The stopwatch was Baily's favorite toy while he was in the hospital. We would race cars all around the room and time them, we would watch Ghost Hunters on SciFi and he would wander around his hospital room holding it and acting like it was a ghost hunting device, he would even time the nurses in secret when they were doing their hourly check. We never told them but would laugh and laugh about it when they left the room. So carrying that stopwatch tightly in my hand that entire 4_1/2 hours was a must. My hand is still a little cramped but clicking that stop button when I crossed the finish line was a feeling of satisfaction.

Around mile 14, I spotted my husband Mark and our son Caleb wearing their bright green Baily's Angels shirts. I was able to give them hugs and kisses before continuing on my run, they gave me the boost I needed to keep going because that was the point in the race where the half marathoners were finishing. Toward mile 26 we were just about to make the turn to head down the ramp off of the Alaskan Way Viaduct and I happened to look down at the spectators and spotted my hubby, Caleb, my mom, and my Grandpa. My mom looked up at the runners and I started giggling like a maniac and waving my arms frantically in the air, hey by mile 26 I'd like to see you try and be normal...not gonna happen. That's when I started to fly. I flew down that ramp, waving to my family and smiling like the Joker, rounded the corner toward the finish line, spotted my friend Janna and her family, yelled and smiled more like the crazier Joker, and crossed that finish line. Surreal. Sore. Tired. Happy.

I ran this race for Baily. He gave me every single ounce of strength that I desperately needed during that last hour, those last 6 miles were the hardest and if it wasn't for Baily I wouldn't have been able to do it. I kept thinking about Baily and how he never had a break, he was always sick and hurting, and he never gave up. This marathon was nothing compared to Baily's last 7_1/2 months of life. That's how I'm going to think about everything for the rest of my life...Baily gave up his life to this disease, it beat him and he had to leave. There is nothing in this world that is as hard as that.

*HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY, BAILY!!!! My little boy would have turned 5 years old today. It's a soggy day but he still would have had so much fun, he loved his birthdays...all holidays...everyday.

The day started out with our last TNT training before our big race. We ran together through Wright Park and down to Proctor and wow did the rain start! We were soaked and cold to the bone by the time we got back to the hospital for our Race Day Send Off party. The Coaches gathered us out onto the steps and gave everyone a cupcake, they wanted to celebrate Baily's birthday with me. My husband and our 3 year old son Caleb were able to join us and we released balloons for Baily, 5 of them. When we got back inside to the warmth we shared Baily's memorial video with the group, it was absolute silence when it was over and then Caleb said, "Mom! I have to go potty!".

It was so hard to watch the video and I was unsure about it, but this is me now...this is my life without Baily and that's what I want people to know. It may be incredibly sad, I may make people uncomfortable and stumble over their words, but it's okay with me. My son died and every single day is a struggle, I go through every emotion possible about a million times a day, but I'm still going. I'm still here and there is no way I would ever sit back and watch life pass me by, it sure would be easy to but I wouldn't be honoring Baily if I did that. Don't get me wrong, I feel really sorry for myself. I feel really sorry for my husband. I feel really sorry for my Caleb. But Baily wouldn't want us to quit on life because he loved it too much. So no matter how hard things are, no matter how angry I am, no matter how sad and heartbroken I am I will keep going. Most of the time with a smile on my face but sometimes there will be anger and a lot of tears....I will keep on running toward Baily and hopefully during that running cancer will be cured and I'll just find another cause to run for, something that Baily would like. Trains, "Herbie" cars, red trucks, baseball, preschool, firetrucks, vegetables, and the list goes on...

I know that next week when I am running in the Rock N' Roll marathon Baily will be with me pushing me forward. I know he'll be proud of me. I'm so proud of me because I am his mommy.

*Race day is almost here and I am ready! I'm pretty nervous, anxious, but excited to run for Baily.

This coming Saturday, the 19th, is Baily's 5th birthday. I was looking at his scrapbook yesterday remembering this time last year. For Baily's birthday last year he got a Hot Wheels bike that he was so proud of. He had a fireman themed birthday because he loved firetrucks and wanted to become a fireman someday. He also spent his birthday at Fire Station #13, on Proctor. Baily was very sick that day, his tumor had doubled in size by then and we didn't know, but he kept his chin up and enjoyed his time as a Junior Fireman with his new buddy Captain Stock. I can remember every second of that day. Driving by that firestation makes me catch my breath and my heart pound, it takes all my strength to even glance at it for a split second but it was a dream come true for Baily so I am forever thankful.

I'm so happy to have an opportunity to run for a great cause, curing cancer. I hope that you all are proud of yourselves for helping me make that happen. Thank you so much for all that you have done for me and for Baily.

*What a day! Seattle Rock N Roll runners had their longest run today...180 minutes! I ran a grand total of 20 miles today in that time and am so proud of myself. It was not easy, okay I'm lying. The first 10-15 miles were easy, I've done that plenty of times now but that last 5 were really hard. I'm so glad I had a running buddy today! My running buddy made this 20 mile run look like a nice little jaunt. The only sign that he was pushing himself was the sweat pouring off his face, although he could have been dousing himself with water when I wasn't looking just to make me feel better.

As I ran today I thought about what I think about everytime I run...Baily. I thought about his kind heart, his fighting spirit, and the fact that never once did he complain about anything having to do with his sickness. Not once. He accepted everything. He accepted his sore legs that hurt so bad he would cry, he accepted the loss of all the hair on his body without even questioning it, he accepted the weekly trips to the clinic and the frequent hospital stays, he accepted being given medicine that made him so sick that he couldn't eat or drink, he accepted giving up doing the things he loved to do. The only time he ever showed his frustration was in the last month of his life. He asked me over and over to help him, to make him better, to get rid of his cancer. That's pretty heartbreaking.

That's not all I think about as I run. I think about his smile, his laugh, the feel of him in my arms, the smell of his skin, the love that poured out of him. I think about all the ways I want to honor him...did you know I drive a VW bug not because it's cute but because it is Baily's most favorite car? Did you know I finished his baby book and scrapbook for the very last time? Did you know that everywhere I turn in my house there's a picture of him and it makes me cry and smile every single time? Did you know that I have never run in my life before the end of January? Did you know that Baily is giving me the strength and the will to keep going? This marathon and the next million marathons are what's keeping me going. Every step I take brings me closer to the day that I will see his face again and maybe that's why I'm running.

A song came on my ipod as I ran today that brought a smile to my face, it was Baily's favorite song. "Three Little Birds" by Bob Marley. It brought me back to the hundreds of times Baily and I danced to that song, even when he was still in my tummy. We would sing, "Don't worry, about a thing. Every little thing is gonna be all right." That was the last song of his memorial video at his memorial service and it was for a reason...Baily always kept going and smiled and danced his way through life. That's the way it should be.

*I ran in my first real race on Sunday, the Tacoma City Marathon. I ran the half marathon along with a lot of my TNT teammates. I was so nervous up until we started running and then I was all business, making sure I concentrated on keeping my legs going and my head clear of everything but happy thoughts of my little boy Baily.

I ran the entire 13.1 miles without stopping, oh wait I did stop a few times to take a gulp of water...I tried running while drinking water and that didn't work out so well. I kept pushing myself to run faster when I felt myself starting to get tired. I booked it up hills and laughed to myself when I passed people...passed them going UP A HILL. As I hit my last mile all thoughts of being tired and wanting to lay on the couch with a giant coffee disappeared, all I could think about was crossing that finish line and what an accomplishment that would be. I rounded the last corner and there in front of me was a big crowd of people yelling and screaming for us.

Around the last 4 miles I started running along side these other two women who were at the same pace. We encouraged each other with smiles and cheers and pats on the back during those last miles but especially the very last one, the home stretch. After I saw that finish line I looked at those girls and smiled and we sprinted as fast as we could to the very end. What a fantastic feeling! I felt free as I was running and I felt closer to Baily than I have for all these 5 months without him.

My marathon in June is going to be amazing, running for my little boy on that day is going to change me forever and I cannot wait. Hope all of you can come! It's going to be a big party!

*Today I skipped my TNT practice and ran by myself out to Mountain View cemetary to see my little boy, Baily. It was a great run,15 miles roundtrip, and well worth it. It rained a lot but for some reason the sun was shining down on me when I got to Baily. I think he was happy to see me, I know I was happy to see him. Thank you all for your support and well wishes! Next weekend is the Tacoma Marathon, I'm doing the half-marathon and I think I'll do just great! I'm excited and am hoping for sunshine.

*These past few weekends at TNT have been great! Last weekend the Seattle full-marathoners ran 12 miles! I was a couch bum the rest of the day but it sure felt good. Let's hope these sunny days keep coming. A year ago April 7th is when Baily was diagnosed with cancer, as these days get harder without him I'm even more thankful for TNT. Go Team!

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I am in training right now to run in the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society Rock N Roll Seattle Marathon on June 26, 2010!

As most of you know, I am running for my 4 year old son Baily who passed away on November 17, 2009. He battled an aggressive form of Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma for 7 months but chemo and radiation were not strong enough to fight off the cancer. Baily was always smiling during his sickness and he was positive that he was going to get better, that he would never leave me. Well, cancer took his body away from me but not his soul and not his fighting spirit.

I may be one individual but I can make a difference by running in this marathon for Baily and all who are fighting cancer. You can make a difference too by donating, every little bit helps. Do it because you are inspired by people like Baily, so young yet so strong in spirit. He is my inspiration and I am going to keep running and raising money so that one day people will not have to die because of cancer, so that families do not have to learn to keep going after their loved one passes away. Help me run toward a cure.

I hope you will visit my web site often. Be sure to check back frequently to see my progress. Thanks for your support!