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I kept my eyes closed
Nov 13, 2013


The last three weeks of Dezma's life were spent at MD Anderson hospital. Where the Child Life Specialist, doctors and staff did all they could to make life more comfortable for Dezma as she transitioned over into God's arms.


As time progressed, Dezma's energy level and breathing became more difficult for her to maintain. It is a personal and difficult story to relay.


I will say that in her final hours, she called for me and I quickly came to her side. As she struggled to breathe, I asked Jesus to come into that room at that very moment and take her from this world. I held her hand, I closed my eyes and said these words: "Lord Jesus, please have mercy on my baby, please take her from this world. She is too beautiful to be here. She needs you right now, she needs your comfort, she needs your arms." That very moment, I felt her hand get cold and her soul leave her body. My God took her when I asked Him to. He relieved her from her suffering because I asked Him to.


I kept my eyes closed. I never looked at her again. To me, that was not my baby. Her spirit left her shell of a body. I knew God took HER. Her body was just the shell.


I kept my eyes closed, I covered my face. I walked out of the room once the nurse said she was gone.


I kept my eyes closed. I wanted to remember her the way I always saw her and I walked out of the room. In a daze.



Since Dezma has gone, my eyes have been opened to so much. But most importantly is how much we need each other. How much we can all make a difference in this world. It doesn't matter how small or insignificant an action is. Showing love to someone, helping one other, having compassion, is something you should never ever second guess or wait to do.


Showing love, compassion, helping one another along this difficult road is what we were put here to do.


Thank you to my friends and few family members that have supported me along this road. It was not an easy one -- but you chose to continue to walk this path with me regardless of how difficult it would be for YOU. YOU SHOWED ME WHO I WILL STRIVE TO BE. I ask God every day to show me a person I can be compassionate towards, smile, help, encourage ...


Thank you God for you and thank you God for this mission and the LLS!!!


I WILL LIVE THE REST OF MY LIFE TO CHANGE THIS WORLD.


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There are many moments I hate to talk about, this is one of them
Oct 30, 2013


There are many moments I hate to talk about, this is one of them.


From November to February we tried 3 to 4 different chemotherapy regimens. Each time Dezma's body was responding to the treatment, but each time the cancer would return. These treatments only extended her life.


In February, Dezma's Doctor took her father and I into a small hallway and said there is no other treament regiment available we can try. There is just nothing available and there are no open clinical trials at this time. There is a clnical trial opening up in Tennesse in the middle of April although, I am sorry to say I do not feel she will make it to that date.


My heart feel once again into my stomach. My shoulders dropped, defeated. My face went into pleading. There has to be something that we can try. What about the little that was cured with the HIV virus. Why can't we try that with AML? How much money do I have to raise? I will do anything. Please tell me what we have to do.


Then it happened, the doctor started crying. He covered his mouth and said I am so sorry, this is so difficult for me because she is so strong. He looked at her through the window and I hate that I don't have anything else to give her.


How long do we have?


Three to four weeks.



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Dezma was not chemo resistant
Oct 18, 2013


Dezma was very very sick beginning in October to the beginning of December. Dezma always hung on to the hope that she would receive her miracle. She refused to take any of her medicines. She felt worse when she took them. In the interest of wanting her to be the most comfortable she could be, I allowed that. She had so many side effects from the medicines she was taking.


One evening when taking her a bath, she removed her clothing and all she was, was skin and bones. It was a difficult moment for both of us. We just stared at each other. I put her in the bath tub and she was a literal skeleton.


It was a very tough thing...


After her treatment through Thanksgiving, she seemed to perk up a little. It was obvious that whatever they gave her, was helping in some way. She was able to feel well enough to have a semi-normal Christmas with us.


Make A Wish threw her a Grease themed party. This is what she wanted was to hang out with her friends to try to be normal. The pictures always show her smiling. But in reality, she threw up so many times and was feeling awful. We were able to capture moments on camera with smiles. My baby always ALWAYS smiled.


From October to February Dezma received a number of chemotherapy treatments. What is very important for all of you to understand is that MOST people acquire a resistance towards chemotherapy. When this happens, the doctors will tell you, we have to stop giving you treatments. Dezma's body wasn't doing this. Her body was still responding to chemotherapy treatments. BUT it wasn't the right treatment, it wasn't the cure.


This is why it is SOOOOOO IMPORTANT for us to raise this money .... WE NEED YOUR HELP.


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A Few Pictures
Oct 14, 2013

HER LAST HALLOWEEN COSTUME




ONE OF HER MOST FAVORITE THINGS TO DO, BAKE!











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October 2012 three months to live
Oct 07, 2013

October 2012 --- they told us at a routine check up Dezma would not live for another three months.


"As a mother, my job is to take care of what is possible and trust God with the impossible." - Ruth Belle Graham



Unimaginable...


Home hospice care set up a hospital bed in my living room. An IV pole, suction machine, pills piled up on pills. I organized what she had to take in a pill box. These pills were going to keep the leukemia under control for a little while till she received chemotherapy at MD Anderson.



She was admitted back in the hospital to receive chemotherapy. The hospital needed to re-input her PICC line in order to administer her medicines. I now realize, the reason they never gave her Port Access is because they already knew what we were going to try had little chance of working and did not want to be too intrusive.


The procedure was done bedside, unfortunately there was a horrible accident while they were operating on her. The nurse that was doing the procedure blew a major vein. It was very painful for Dezma and very scary for me to see this. I was in the room when this was happening. Dezma was wide awake and knew all that was going on. She screamed out "I THOUGHT MD ANDERSON WAS THE BEST CANCER HOSPITAL IN THE WORLD ?!"



Her arm blew up about three times its size. It was painful for her to move it at all.


But just like everything else, Dezma got through it, moved on and smiled. She was a fighter. They rescheduled the procedure in the Operating Room this time. Here she is about to go in:



While at MD Anderson Dezma needed many blood and platelet transfusions to keep her feeling well.


They administered her new chemotherapy through Thanksgiving, I wanted to waste no time. It only took us about a week and we were able to come back home. Her doctor wanted her home as much as possible because that is what made Dezma happiest.


It was now all about making sure she was happy and comfortable.



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Older posts

Supporter Comments

  •  
    "Lynda, Good Luck with all of your endeavors! I cannot imagine what you as a parent have been through and I admire your tenacious goal in Dezma's honor. Rani"
     

    Rani Huffaker

    Sun May 19 11:00:31 EDT 2013

  •  
    "We all love our innocent children who don't deserve to suffer. I as a parent can never imagine going through this and want to find a cure and save all the lives we can."
     

    Elizabeth Garza

    Tue May 28 07:55:07 EDT 2013

  •  
    "For Team Dezma!"
     

    Gabriella Guerra

    Tue Jun 11 12:47:45 EDT 2013

  •  
    "I found your blog through a post in the Facebook page for Latinas in Motion. I am a breast cancer survivor but my grandmother and aunt did not survive that battle. My good friend, Lilian Rios, died 6 months after diagnosis in 1994 at age 25 of lymphoma. I've given in the past in memory of them. But this donation is in honor of your beautiful daughter's life. This is for Dezma. Que Dios la tenga en Su gloria. - Rita R., New Jersey"
     

    Rita R.

    Tue Jun 11 10:32:26 EDT 2013

  •  
    "For Dezma! Thank you for sharing her story... what a beautiful sweet girl. "
     

    Aixa Garcia

    Wed Jun 12 04:46:35 EDT 2013

  •  
    "May God continue to give you strength during your journey of bringing awareness to Leukemia in honor of your baby girl! "
     

    Jazmin Rozier

    Wed Jun 12 11:11:22 EDT 2013

  •  
    "XBOX"
     

    Deanah Chavez

    Fri Jun 14 09:36:34 EDT 2013

  •  
    "X-BOX"
     

    Angelica Gallegos

    Fri Jun 14 09:55:56 EDT 2013

  •  
    "XBOX"
     

    Angelica Gallegos

    Fri Jun 14 09:57:07 EDT 2013

  •  
    "X-BOX"
     

    Angelica Gallegos

    Fri Jun 14 09:58:04 EDT 2013

  •  
    "X-BOX"
     

    Angelica Gallegos

    Fri Jun 14 09:59:00 EDT 2013

  •  
    "xbox"
     

    Violet Macias

    Fri Jun 14 10:07:02 EDT 2013

  •  
    ""XBOX" - Sandra Flores - 4842 Porter Ridge - Houston, Texas 77053"
     

    Sandra Flores

    Fri Jun 14 11:15:12 EDT 2013

  •  
    "XBOX- Rebecca 832-236-4904"
     

    Suzanne Resendez

    Fri Jun 14 01:51:13 EDT 2013

  •  
    "XBOX- Marissa Resendez 832-236-4904"
     

    Suzanne Resendez

    Fri Jun 14 01:52:19 EDT 2013

  •  
    "XBOX "
     

    Joseph Saldana

    Thu Jun 20 09:04:35 EDT 2013

  •  
    "XBOX Alvin Gauna - Sabra"
     

    Alvin Gauna

    Thu Jun 20 01:11:13 EDT 2013

  •  
    "Maria archer Micky lee Janie Williams Melissa garza "
     

    Melissa garza

    Wed Jul 03 03:32:45 EDT 2013

  •  
    "Xbox "
     

    Anonymous

    Wed Jul 03 09:03:50 EDT 2013

  •  
    "Keep running Lynda!!! One day soon I will be able to join you. Of course you will leave me in the dust, but I will be running slowly behind you! Love you!!!!!"
     

    Julie Cannon

    Sat Jul 06 02:56:24 EDT 2013

  •  
    "May God Bless you all"
     

    Oralia Avila

    Fri Jul 12 10:37:34 EDT 2013

  •  
    "Heard this yesterday and thought of Dezma. It's not the number of days in life you have, it's the life you have in your days". Dezma was a testament to that. "
     

    Jody Detmore

    Fri Jul 12 10:57:22 EDT 2013

  •  
    "We are praying for your family. Your daughter was beautiful!!!! "
     

    Cathy Bryant

    Fri Sep 06 01:35:23 EDT 2013

  •  
    "SNO Country remembers Dezma a beautiful young darling!"
     

    SNO Country, inc

    Fri Sep 06 04:27:34 EDT 2013

  •  
    "Your little fighting heart, your courage, your smile inspired me more than anyone will ever know! Now you are home with God smiling with him and making him proud because of what you did here on earth in such a short while! I think of you often and will always remember you for as long as I live! Love you little Angel. "
     

    Diana Gardea

    Fri Sep 06 04:55:20 EDT 2013

  •  
    "Lynda, I hope you meet your goals. May God give you strength and perseverance every day. Go Team Dezma!"
     

    Lilia Agard

    Tue Sep 17 12:21:28 EDT 2013

  •  
    "Wishing you and the team nothing but the best!"
     

    Cristian Calderon

    Tue Sep 24 11:11:15 EDT 2013

  •  
    "Keep up the good work Carolyn. You got this. See ya at the finish line! Go Team!!!!"
     

    Sylvia Criel

    Thu Oct 31 11:14:02 EDT 2013

  •  
    "You are such an inspiration for raising funds for this cause!"
     

    Caryl Coronis

    Sat Nov 02 10:59:59 EDT 2013

  •  
    "Good Luck! I know you'll meet your goal, and I hope you exceed it! :)Ashley, Randy, & Brayden Stephens"
     

    Ashley Stephens

    Fri Oct 11 09:36:14 EDT 2013

  •  
    "We pray for assistance in finding a cure for this type of terrible disease that takes the lives of those young, who never get to experience the joys of a full life. Thank you for allowing us to participate.. Josh Hargrave/Gerri Rougeau- HARCO Insurance Services "
     

    HARCO Insurance Services

    Mon Sep 09 12:41:14 EDT 2013

  •  
    "Xbox "
     

    Christina Flores

    Fri Jun 14 10:29:47 EDT 2013

  •  
    ""When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways - either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits, or by using the challenge to find our inner strength." The Dalai Lama It is an inspiration to us all that YOU have found YOUR inner strength! Cimarron Elementary and Dezma are so proud! Julie Gauvin"
     

    Ms. G

    Mon Jun 03 06:56:20 EDT 2013

  •  
    "Please except my donation."
     

    Norma Vasquez Mata

    Fri May 17 02:10:05 EDT 2013

Team Fundraising Total

Goal: $100,000.00
 
110 %
Donations: $109,500.52

Donate to our Team


We are sorry donations are no longer being accepted for this team for this event.

Thanks To

Martha Smith $2000.00
Mary Wassef $1000.00
HARCO Insurance Services $1000.00
SNO Country, inc $1000.00
Julie Cannon $500.00
WIN-SAM, INC $400.00
Anonymous $100.00
PATRICIA GARCIA $100.00
Cristian Calderon $100.00
Oralia Avila $100.00
Peacock's Shot Bar $100.00
Ms. G $100.00
Diana Gardea $50.00
Jane Lam $50.00
The Garcia Family $50.00
MIGUEL SANDOVAL $50.00
Suchit Majmudar $50.00
Tatyana Asia $50.00
Alejandra Diaz-Gonzalez $25.00
Mark Christensen $25.00
Sylvia Gallegos $25.00
Seth Riley $25.00
Deanah Chavez $25.00
John Barron $25.00
Elizabeth Garza $25.00
Jody Detmore $10.00
Violet Macias $10.00
Alvin Gauna $5.00
Joseph Saldana $5.00
Caryl Coronis  
E Guerra  
Sylvia Criel  
Ashley Stephens  
Lilia Agard  
Cathy Bryant  
Melissa garza  
Debra M Reyes  
Suzanne Resendez  
Suzanne Resendez  
Sandra Flores  
Christina Flores  
Theresa Motes  
Angelica Gallegos  
Angelica Gallegos  
Angelica Gallegos  
Angelica Gallegos  
Jazmin Rozier  
Aixa Garcia  
Rita R.  
Gabriella Guerra  
Eva & Raygan  
Rani Huffaker  
Norma Vasquez Mata  
Veronica Flores