Well, hello.  It’s good to be here.  Who’s pumped for tomorrow?!  Tomorrow is my 6^th event with Team in Training and my first triple crown.  I’m pleased to have the opportunity to conquer a new endurance event. 

Beyond endurance training, I have a number of reasons to thank TNT …and I’d like to take a moment to walk..run…or even bike (see what I did there?! ;)) through my TNT journey.

So, let’s rewind to mile 18 of a 20 mile run during my first season with Team in Training in 2008.  I was living, working, and playing in Brooklyn, NY, training with the NYC-BK team.  And of course, embarking on my first endurance training experience and subsequently my first marathon.

This was the last long run of the season prior to the big event, which happened to be the Nashville marathon.  This, of course, obviously implying I had been training with the team for the previous 3 months.  In true spontaneous Cullen fashion, I found Mile 18 the right moment to share with my teammates my motivation for involvement with TNT – that I was a survivor of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, receiving a clear bill of health from my oncologist a mere 3 months prior, essentially at the kickoff of the season. 

What happened next? 

Hyperventilation.  And not from running 18 miles, but from the emotional and mental stress of a life experience I never anticipated, had no idea how to process, and definitely had no idea to talk about this life experience that I felt vulnerable about.

But this was a first step in understanding that the battle was over, and the fight is forever managed.  It was a life lesson at age 24 I could not have begun to understand outside of my Hodgkin’s journey. 

At the time of my diagnosis, I was living in Brooklyn, NY having being accepted into Teach for America, which for ease of translation, is the domestic educational peace corp.  I was a farm girl from rural Ohio, taking on the big city, aiming to change student’s lives and motivate them to be stewards of a sustainable future.  Sure, I was tired, sure I got short of breath walking up hills, losing weight on a diet of M&Ms – that seemed too good to be true – but hey, I was living in a new City, walking everywhere, in a new profession that was extremely emotionally and energy intense, of course I would be feeling a little rundown. 

Rationalization – it’s the worst enemy of any cancer survivor not in tune with their body. 

After a winter and spring of extreme napping, it seemed like getting an annual physical wouldn’t be the worst idea ever.  Blood work at the neighborhood internist turned into hospital admission 36 hours later.  As the universe works sometimes, my parents had already planned to spend a week in NYC that same week of my diagnosis.  They were there when I was admitted, just as they’re here today in the audience.  They’re pretty much rockstars.

In Brooklyn, I was diagnosed with Stage 2 Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  I think the word to sum up the feeling I was experiencing at that moment in my life was: fear.  And not fear in the sense of there are rabid dogs chasing you, but fear of the complete unknown.  They don’t coach you in school, college, jobs how to approach a life threatening illness – particularly at a time in your life that you’re supposed to be invincible.  Blood cancer? What?  What is that? Lymphnodes? Echo-cardio gram?  Fluid on your heart? Port?  PET Scan?  It’s like peering down a deep well, having no idea what’s down there, and knowing you’ve already jumped.

So, having already jumped, mental fierceness is absolute.  And while I knew I would have to bring this internally, I could not have predicted the outpouring of community support, love, encouragement who were my cheerleaders every day.  I returned to my native northeast Ohio with my parents, two of my biggest cheerleaders, post diagnosis for treatment. 

There I underwent 4 months of chemo and 6 weeks of radiation.  Thanks to the research supported through TNT fundraising, the Hodgkin’s chemo cocktail is an easier treatment to endure. Physically, the treatment actually made me feel so.much.better.  I had realized my “rationalization” pre-diagnosis had significantly lowered my bar of “feeling good.”  I could climb stairs without sucking air; I could dance; I could stay awake. 

Mentally and emotionally, this journey was and is much different.  Again, you’re not coached to understand how to process a physically-emotionally-mentally intense experience.  This me, this was an exercise in isolation.  As a result of the chemo, my immune system was suppressed.  As such, I was often placed on house arrest.  I was back in my tiny rural community… a little different than NYC… and I couldn’t even leave the house.  My love of socializing, bantering, and general discussion with a broad range of people was more than limited.  Putz and Buddy, my parent’s two cats, just didn’t cut it.   Facebook seemed like a good idea, until it was a continual reminder that friends were continuing to live their life while I was on house arrest.  I felt lonely.   I generally have a very optimist, energetic, and proactive disposition to life.  At that juncture, I was feeling very depressed – that feeling, was definitely an unknown.

Amidst this pity party I was having with myself, I had two incredibly patient, loving individuals supporting me.  I hope you’ve gathered at this point, Andy and Cy, my parents were – are – phenomenal.  My Mom knew if I started playing the piano, I was really about to go crazy.  My Dad was a constant navigator of all things medical, being a medical professional himself.  I recall one particular afternoon, where I was being a particular pill, my Mom planned an afternoon “outing” for us – quirky shopping at a place we had never been.  She literally had to pull me to the car.   I remember wanting to not feel ungrateful in the moment, but I couldn’t outwardly present that.  All this to say, my parents are a cornerstone of being here today.  Thank, you.

I wouldn’t take back my Hodgkin’s experience for a moment – it’s transformed my life.  As a result of my experience, I:

• Became an endurance athlete
• Learned to cook
• Learned things about my native community that I never knew or appreciated
• Better understand the power of the mind.
• Got my first tattoo as a part of radiation
• And while the list goes on and on, I won’t bore you with all of my reflections.

But as eluded to, while I won the initial battle, the fight continues every day.  There are very few days Hodgkin’s doesn’t cross my mind.  Every strange twitch, root canal, cold has me worried.  But life is too short to live your life in fear of the unknown, and so I choose to view it as managing the fight.  TNT is one of my favorite tools to do this.

At this point, let’s revisit that hyperventilation at mile 18 and that 5+ hour first marathon.  I’m proud to say in 6.5 years of remission, I’ve now completed 9 marathons, last October’s in 3:42, 1 century and sooon, my first Olympic Tri.  Most importantly, I can stand here without hyperventilating and thank you for paying it forward. 

There will always be many unknowns in life, but what I am certain of is the continual inspiration of the human spirit.  Consider the race course, and the fans, the volunteer support, fellow runners who have a moment of bonding over a generally speaking, crazy (I mean, running 26 miles for fun?!) endeavor, with no prior relationship.  Consider you-- you had a part in a bigger thing that saved my life, among many others.  For this, I am eternally grateful.  Thank, you.

Team in Training will forever be a part of my life.  Endurance events have become a metric for my health, but more importantly Team in Training offers me a means to pay it forward.  Last week, my friend was the bone marrow donor for her brother fighting leukemia, and a high school classmate was diagnosed with Stage 4 Hodgkin’s --- the battle rages forward.  Battles aren’t won alone – and that’s why your support continues to be imperative. 

Your spirit inspires me.  Keep fighting.

And finally, good luck tomorrow.  Be smart.  Be strong.  Stay the course. But most importantly, enjoy the day – each & every.

#payingitforward and celebrating 6.5 years in remission!

I am deeply indebted to Team in Training, period.  I'm thrilled to have an opportunity to once again have a more connected tie to this organization with a recent return to Northeast Ohio.

The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s (LLS) TNT raises funds to help find cures and ensure access to treatments for blood cancer patients.  I am a beneficiary of this incredible research your donations have afforded.

In 2008, I was living the big city life in New York City and teaching 7th and 8th grade middle school math and science in Brooklyn.  Living the deam -- and boy, I was tired!  As it turned out, it wasn't only middle school students that were giving me a run for my money, as I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma in May of that year.

Treatment back in Ohio ensued with an incredible support infrastructure grounded by my parents.  In November of that year, I returned to NYC with a charge to "keep on livin," which would start my love affair with Team in Training and endurance events.  Since then, I've run nine marathons (four with TNT!), completed a century ride for my dad's 60th birthday in Lake Tahoe (also with TNT!) and run countless halfs. It's time to branch into something new - triathlons!  

A group of Northeast Ohios will embark in an Olympic triathlon on April 26th in St. Petersburg, FL for the St. Anthony's Olympic Tri Race.  The race elements include:

• .9 mile swim (this will be my biggest challenge....in salt water!  Counting on the buoyancy benefit!)
• 24.8 mile bike ride
• 6.2 mile run

I'm looking forward to serving in a mentor capacity for the Tri Team.

I feel deeply grateful for my health everyday.  And, everyday I work to positively impact my health - and endurance training is a fundamental part of this.  The impact blood cancers have on people's lives is deep, but the support that blood cancers patients and survivors receive runs deeper.

Please make a donation in support of my efforts with Team In Training, ensuring support always runs deeper than cancer and help get us all closer to a world without blood cancers.

Much love & deep gratitude.

xoxo,

C

Tri training at Birdtown CrossFit, Lakewood, OH.

Ever have one of those days when you feel deeply grateful?  Today is one of those days.  I feel extremely lucky to be surrounded by a supportive family, hilarious and smart friends, a community pushing towards a stronger future, the opportunity to grow, and an environment that, while cold currently, is certainly trying to hold its own in the face of many challenges.

Yesterday, I had some of the best bread and cheese I've ever tasted.  I live in Oberlin, OH -- not any epitome of media-touted food epicenters.  I'm lucky to live close to the source that produced it.  Today, I got personal coaching on my swimming. I spent in hour in the pool followed by more coaching on the bike.  From who?  A TNT teach paying it forward.  

Sometimes, it's good to remind yourself how lucky you are for so many reasons.  I'm lucky to have supporters like you in my life.  I'm deeply grateful for your support in helping me afford the opportunity to future survivors to feel the warmth of people like you saving lives.