We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give

~Winston Churchill

Racing to Save Lives

Welcome to my Team in Training Home Page.

For the better part of the past eleven years, David and I have been battling, living with or recovering from cancer in one form or another. Most recent was David's diagnosis of follicular non-Hodgkin lymphoma, which has now been in remission for two years.

But being in remission is not the same as being cured.

I decided to do something proactive and I am asking you to help. I am training with The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Team in Training (TNT) to run the Rock 'n Roll Marathon in San Diego on May 31st, 2009. Together with my teammates, I am raising funds that will go to research, clinical trials, education and patient services for people like David whose blood cancers are, at present, incurable.

Please make a donation and help us find a cure!

Your donation is tax-deductible; confirmation will be sent by email.

With love and many thanks for your support,

Elli

TRAINING LOG

And In the End

Here is the link to my speech at the TNT pasta party the night before the marathon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjJF1Y6L9yI . Chris was a bit nervous for me and his hand was shaking for about the first minute, but then he passed his camcorder off to Craig, whose hands were steady, and it is still for the duration, so keep watching… I am pleased to announce that from the Greater LA Chapter, we had 266 participating athletes who raised over $925,000. Nationally, 2245 Team in Trainers raised $8.2 million for this event alone. Overall, TNT has now raised nearly a billion dollars! I want to thank my teammates, mentors, captains, coaches and everyone in the LLS offices: you have been so supportive in every possible way. Thank you all! An extra thank you to the incredible Chris Wilno for having such an open heart. I would never have made it past ‘info night’ without you. Thank you for sharing your story, for your complete dedication to the team and to the cause, for being inspiring, keeping me focused, lifting me when I was down and in the most generous of gestures, offering to carry me across the finish line! Luckily, I saved your back and made it on my own. Again, I want to thank Kathy Faulstich for staying by my side for the duration of the marathon. Kath, you are an amazing woman and an awesome trainer! To my family and friends: you are the reason I feel blessed each and every day. Thank you for putting up with me these many years and for believing in me always and in every possible way. I began this journey not knowing where it would take me. But I should have known. Sooner or later, all journeys lead to the same place… the end is simply the next beginning. And so I have already signed up to train for the Nike Women’s Half Marathon (a mere 13.1 miles) on October 18, 2009 in San Francisco. Care to join me? This link will take you there: http://pages.teamintraining.org/los/nikesf09/elianawolpe

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make ~The Beatles

We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time. ~T.S. Eliot

With gratitude and blessings,

Always, Elli

Post Marathon Update

The endorphin high lasted a full 48 hours. Even with Adam digging into my IT band and a little thing at my hip called a TFL (an acronym for which I came up with all kinds of colorful, creative names), then telling me I may have a cyst behind my right knee, I was still really happy. I even wore my finisher’s medal, TNT top fundraiser cap and SD marathon jacket to gym to show everyone. I want to point out something I said to Kath as the starting gun sounded on Sunday. For the past eleven plus years, David and I have come in contact with many remarkable organizations, all working towards a cures for various forms of cancer. One of the things I value most about LLS is that its primary fundraising arm, TNT, is helping to make healthier individuals. I can’t tell you how frustrating I find it when I am at a fundraising event or dinner for cancer research and the fare being served is something decidedly unhealthy. It is a strange disconnect. And here is LLS, not only accomplishing its mission, but helping every one of their volunteers become healthier in the process. I applaud LLS and similar organizations for the marriage of defeating cancer while emphasizing health. Please check back next week for a link to my speech and what will likely be my final post on this page.

it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are… to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting ~e. e. cummings

The Marathon

It is Monday morning and I awoke before dawn. The first words that formed in my head were: I RAN A MARATHON! What an experience. It is hard to capture it all, but I will do my best. On Saturday night I spoke at the pasta party. I went early for a sound check and was completely taken by surprise. There were tables set for thousands of people. I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t that! Rather than tell you about it, I will add a link to the video (Chris taped the whole thing) just as soon as it is up. It was very hard to fall asleep that night because I was on such a high from the evening. But just three hours after I finally drifted off, my wake-up call broke the silence of the night. I was at Balboa Park in the darkness before dawn with my entire team and Kathy. Having pretty much spent all of my adrenaline the night before, I was almost too calm when the race started. It was clear to me from the beginning that it was going to be a physically challenging day. My IT band was acting up by mile 14 and only got worse as the day went on. But what mattered was the experience itself. All day long people told me how much they appreciated what I had said the night before and thanked me for being the top fundraiser in the country (did I mention that?!). They ran with me, walked with me, told me their stories and cheered me on. It was emotional, overwhelming and simply wonderful. Every time I saw someone on the sideline holding a sign thanking TNT participants for helping save their life, I got pretty choked up. The whole day was nothing short of miraculous. I finished in 6 hours and 15 minutes, which was an hour short of my original pace group (before I was injured). There were some easy miles and some hard miles, some powerful, moving moments and some less than inspiring (a few miles on a stretch of freeway), but the team spirit was incredible all day and the TNT mentors and coaches were everywhere. And Kath, bless her, stayed with me literally every step of the way. She was my bodyguard, my motivator, my trainer and my guardian angel. She set the pace when I got tired and let me lead when I felt strong. Before I knew it, we were at mile 26 and Chris was there to run us in to the finish line. My family and friends were on the other side and with tears of gratitude, relief and joy, I fell into their arms and wept.

Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second. ~William James

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams: Live the life you've imagined. ~Henry David Thoreau

Time To Go

I am all packed (and repacked) and en route to San Diego. Thank you for your emails, calls, texts, hugs and kisses. Your support has meant so much to me these past months and will help carry me through the big day. I keep telling myself it really isn’t a whole lot different than a day in Disneyland: on my feet for hours, tens of thousands of people all trying to get ahead of each other and the whole marathon is like one giant ride, only with music! Seriously, I am feeling that this is actually going to be fun. But then, I’ve never done anything like it before, so I might just be ridiculously naïve. Still, it seems there is a lot to enjoy; the weekend expo, the parties (one the night before the race, another the night after) the music, the sea of purple TNT jerseys, the whole team being ready to race and everyone cheering for one another. Did I mention that Kath is coming? She is! She called and told me she really wanted to be a part of my whole journey, beginning to end. I am feeling incredibly blessed. The people I have met, the money we’ve raised, becoming an athlete; the entire experience is much greater than the sum of its parts. On Saturday night, I will be speaking at the pasta party, telling our story and reminding people that what they have done by raising money for LLS really matters. To say I am grateful for all of this doesn’t even begin to express how I feel. Five months ago, I walked into an information meeting in West Hollywood not knowing much other than that I needed to run. And here I am. Time to go finish what I started.

It’s like something out of that twilighty show about that zone. ~ Homer Simpson

It Takes a Village

The race is in just a few days now. I am ready and excited for the upcoming weekend. It’s hard to believe it is actually going to happen; but it is, and it is a really good thing. There are so many people I want to acknowledge and thank, especially everyone who has supported me by making a donation to LLS: your names are listed here in the column on the right, and for those of you who chose to remain anonymous, well, you know who you are. Thank you all for your generous donations, inspirational comments and enduring support. I also wish to thank: Yael and Jon Galinson for allowing me to honor their battle and tell their story, Jonathan Vakneen (aka Dr. J) for teaching me to run and planting the 'marathon seed', Gary Jacob for always making the time to keep me aligned, Adylia Roman for keeping me supple, Dr. Isaac Schmidt for creative solutions, Kathy Faulstich and Paul Vincent of Training Adventures for making me strong and keeping me focused, Charlie Hoover of Phidippides, for stellar arts and crafts on my favorite pair of running shoes, The WebMagic Lymphoma Board and its inhabitants for always being there, Danielle Berrin for retelling our story and spreading the word, Emily Norton for reminding me that pain is only pain and Adam Smith, who hurt me to heal me, and whose sadistic tendencies and impish grin are really a cover for being nothing less than a miracle worker. I want to thank our doctors, in order of their appearance, for literally saving our lives: Drs. Nancy Goldman, Daniel Leiber, Beth Karlan, Gerald Levey, Tim Cloughsey, Neil Martin, Fred Rosenfeld, Steve Forman, and, as always, Dr. Mitchell Cohen. The following are angels who inspired me more than they could ever know: My great uncle Seymour, Anson Grossfeld, Miles Levin, Lynne Cohen, Jake Weisbarth, Helene Haller, Ellen Glesby Cohen, Sima Navi, Nasrin Rashdie, Linda Burrows, Robert Hallworth, Flo Morodomi, Danny Saleh and Roya Geiderman. May their memories always be for a blessing.

Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world. ~ Archimedes

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure. ~ Mark Twain

Week 16

Today was our last meet before the race and I ran 5 miles. I really needed it and it felt great to be out there with my team. Sundays just won’t be the same when this whole thing is over. I ran at a 5:1 interval, which was very comfortable. Just one more week till race day, most of which will be spent resting, packing, going to physical therapy, packing, stretching, packing, icing and repacking. We got our race packets today: the signature purple TNT singlet, shuttle wristband and a lot of info we need for next weekend. Our honored teammates spoke and thanked everyone. Our team alone has raised nearly $300,000. As we sat on the grass, my thoughts turned to Yael, who has spent her week organizing marrow registry drives. Jon’s best chance for a cure is a stem cell transplant, but there is no match in the registry for him. Somewhere out there, someone is a match. All it requires is a cheek swab. You might be the person who can save his life. If you live in the Bay Area, please go to one of these drives: Sunday, June 7, 11a-5p at the booth at Israel in the Gardens and Sunday, June 14, 1p-6p at Congregation Netivot Shalom, 1316 University Avenue, Berkeley, CA. Visit the registry online for more information: http://www.bethematch.com click ‘join’ and enter the promo code ‘JonGalinson’.

Life's most urgent question is: what are you doing for others? ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

The Taper (aka Trepidation)

We are ten days from race day. I am feeling the full impact the training and the events of the last few weeks have taken on my body, my mind, my heart. The taper is a time to take it easy, rest and even skip workouts; a time to heal. Looking back, I see that really my training has been derailed since the half-marathon distance. Till then, the running was easy, fun and relaxing. Around week ten, everything started to fall apart: my uncle died, my father-in-law stopped chemo, I sprained my ankle, injured my IT band and had shin splints. Since then, most of my training was in the pool, not on my feet. I have been able to run only sporadically. The physical pain wasn’t the hardest thing. I learned how to push through that, how to maintain my cardio and muscular gains without running. I’ll spare you the gory details, but let’s just say I am paying a high price to complete this marathon. From the beginning, I understood that this was about commitment, stamina, going the distance. I am learning now precisely what that means.

One has to accept pain as a condition of existence. One has to court doubt and darkness as the cost of knowing. One needs a will stubborn in conflict, but apt always to the total acceptance of every consequence of living and dying ~Morris West

You can only come to the morning through the shadows ~J.R.R. Tolkien

Week 15

In Memory: Rabbi Gerald I. Wolpe

David's father passed away this week. Here is a link to his obituary, which includes a really nice photo. He was David's hero. Which makes both of them incredibly lucky.

http://www.philly.com/inquirer/obituaries/45382612.html?cmpid=15585797

To share often and much...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived; this is to have succeeded ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Honored Teammates

A TNT honored teammate is a local blood cancer patient whose story provides motivation and inspiration the entire team. Each season, they bravely stand before us, a reminder of the greatest challenges of all. Krissy Kobata is a fiery 26 year old with a precancerous condition of the bone marrow. She is in need of a stem cell transplant and has yet to find a match. This year, Krissy is running with our team. Stevie Ramos is just 3 years old and is currently in remission after battling ALL, Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia, for over a year. Nick Gardner, 43, has CML, Chronic Mylegoneous Leukemia. A long time endurance sports enthusiast, Nick completed both a triathalon and a marathon with TNT since his diagnosis. Laura Maloney, whose husband Charlie is a coach for the TNT cycling team, also has CML. To date, Laura has completed a triathalon, discovery hike and a century bike ride and is now training for the SD RNR marathon. LLS supported research that led to a breakthrough drug, Gleevec, which both Laura and Nick take every day, keeping their CML in check. The funds raised here really do save lives. Simple as that.

Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. ~William James

Week 14

Instead of sleeping in on this Mother's Day, I was up at 5am for an early breakfast. Having been off my feet on Sundays for the past month, I was nervous about the distance today. I had made all kinds of back-up plans in my head. I started out walking, reasoning I could always walk the entire marathon. But walking is harder than running in many ways (it sounds counterintuitive, but it is true). After a while, my coach found me and spent a good mile talking me into trying some run/walk intervals. I am a pretty stubborn person, but he was patient (and thankfully, wouldn't take no for an answer) and before I knew it, I was running again. Thank you Chris! After a few intervals, I was wondering why I hadn't started earlier. Chris stayed with me and we pick up a few others along the way. And then it was over and we were up to our shorts in the ocean. In the end, I did all 20 miles!!! Yes, twenty miles. On my feet, not in the pool. And I have the blisters to prove it. As a reward, I had a delicious vanilla cupcake (thanks Kristen!) while stretching on the grass with the rest of my team. It was a huge achievement for all of us. Just three and a half months ago, most of us weren't even runners. For the rest of the day, I got the royal treatment from my family, hugs, kisses, dinner... and even ice packs. Twenty miles! Wishing all of you a Happy Mother's Day!

May you live all the days of your life ~Jonathan Swift

Eleventy Percent

Today was a big day. I ran 5 miles without pain. The thing that has eluded me these past few weeks has been patience. It was my own need to be better, stronger and faster that caused my injuries in the first place. I wasn't willing to incorporate rest as part of the training. I've been so driven, so focused and eager to achieve my goals that it was hard to allow time for my injuries to heal. Dealing with life and death issues, there is always a sense of urgency. But there are things that can't be rushed, things that require patience. In a relatively short period of time, we have raised a significant amount of money for a very good cause, an excellent organization (and because I am paying for my own lodging and expenses, more of the funds raised here will go directly to the LLS mission). I have become an athlete, shared my experience and told our story in the hope that it will make a difference somehow. These past few months I have given, and will continue to give 110% to the running, the fundraising and the exploration of this journey. I need your support all the way, and hope you will keep giving too. There is still a long way to go.

Little by little, one travels far ~J.R.R. Tolkien

Week 13

This morning I spoke to my team and told our story...

Waiting for the Morning

Sometimes the heaviest thing you carry is your sorrow. During this journey there have been times I found myself having to dig deep to find the strength to get up early on a Sunday morning when I'd rather stay in bed, put my feet on the ground when I'm sore and it hurts to walk, or even just think about what I'm doing, why I'm doing it, what brought me here. This all started over eleven years ago. At 31, I was diagnosed with an aggressive, rare carcinoma just months after giving birth to our only child. Shortly after that, my mother was diagnosed with a similar cancer, only far more advanced. We were very lucky, my mother and I, though we each paid a high price, we survived. Six years later, David, then 45, suffered a grand mal seizure that nearly killed him. It was caused by a lesion on his brain and he underwent a 10 hour MRI-assisted resection that saved his life. Thankfully, the tumor was benign, and we hoped the worst of our health problems were behind us. But just three years later, in the summer of 2006, David was diagnosed with lymphoma. After 5 months of intense chemotherapy, he was in remission. For a long time, I struggled to find a way to live with the uncertainty of the future. You would think, after all these years, I would have figured it out. But there is no good answer. All you can do is soldier on, digging ever deeper, till you find whatever strength you have to make it to the end of the day, across the finish line, or wherever it is you are going. There are times when all you want is to climb back under the covers and let your dreams take you away to another world, lose yourself in a book, a fantasy, a memory. But in the end you keep moving forward, into the unknown, trusting, through the darkness, that you will hold on till the light comes pouring in from the morning sun.

It's a blur since they told me about it, how the darkness had taken it's toll, and they cut into my skin and they cut into my body, but they will never get a piece of my soul. And now I'm still learning the lesson, to awake when I hear the call, and if you ask me why I am still running, I'll tell you I run for us all. I run for hope, I run to feel, I run for the truth, for all that is real. I run for your mother your sister your wife, I run for you and me my friend, I run for life. ~Melissa Ethridge

The 3 'R's: Reading, Rest & Rehab

Today I finally got to see Adam, my physical therapist (just home from the Boston marathon, which he ran in a little over 3 hours!) who diagnosed, in addition to my shin splints, a mild sprained ankle and an inflamed IT band. He tortured me (in a good way) with deep tissue massage, iced and sent me home with instructions to rest (no running) till I see him again. Just to make sure I stay happy however, I still have upper body and core workouts with Kath and Paul (yes it takes a village). While I am off my feet, I am staying active: walking, water running, and the elliptical keep my muscles and cardio engaged. To occupy my mind I've been reading Haruki Murakami's memoir: What I Talk About When I Talk About Running. Murakami is a novelist by trade and a joy to read. His observations are at once personal and universal. It often seems he is writing about my own inner landscape as he ruminates on his running. Simply a beautifully written piece of work. And don't worry. These are pretty common over-use injuries. I will heal with time to spare.

Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together ~Vincent Van Gogh

Week 12

Today's run was 17 miles and I was in the pool again for over 3 hours of water running, this time with a teammate and two mentors. The cross training has ensured I am right where I need to be even though I haven't been hitting the pavement the way I wish I could. Obstacles in training, as in life, are inevitable. Few things turn out the way we expect. For the most part, it's much better; richer, deeper, more meaningful than we could have imagined. How we respond to challenges is part of what makes us who we are. Like most people, I am not a happy camper when things don't go my way. But in time, I tend to focus on the silver lining, knowing there is a lesson to be found behind every experience, an opportunity to learn and to grow. I have already started to think of this marathon as a practice run, one that will teach me the true meaning of strength, stamina and endurance. It may not happen exactly as I plan, but without a doubt, when I cross the finish line, I will be better prepared for the future and all that it holds.

Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.

~C.S. Lewis

The Inner Sanctum

There are days when it is just hard to move, when the only really appealing idea is to climb back under the covers. Today was one of those days. It took me a long time to get started this morning. It was cold and drizzling when headed out for my run, hitting the pavement for the first time in two weeks. The idea that I might not be ready was a constant in the back of my mind. Ready. Whatever that means. Ready for what? More pain? Even though I knew how much I needed to run, it was hard, so hard, to start. But I went anyway, and as I settled into my pace, everything eased. It was immediately clear that the water running and elliptical have kept me well conditioned. Soon enough, I found my inner peace, my fortress of solitude... and before I knew it, I was home; spent, happy, and renewed.

When from our better selves we have too long been parted by the hurrying world, and droop. Sick of its business, of its pleasures tired, how gracious, how benign in solitude ~William Wordsworth

Week 11

Just to be on the safe side (and to give myself a break from the heat), I hit the pool again today for my 15 mile run. I am far faster in the water than on land but I called it as a 10 minute mile for two and a half hours of water running. That's a lot of time to think. Last week, within days of his diagnosis, my paternal uncle died of a 'wildfire' lung cancer. My father-in-law has been battling inoperable pancreatic cancer for the past four months. Jon had another very difficult round of chemo last week. There are so many warriors out there, so many people fighting. A dear friend of mine who lost her father to a primary brain lymphoma a few years ago told me there are only two kinds of cancer: the kind you survive and the other kind. Every time I learn of someone's passing or taking a turn for the worse, I think of that statement, what it means to survive, what it means to make loss matter. There are times when grief and sadness are overwhelming. That is the time to tune out the noise, toss aside the illusions and tune in to the highest truth: no one gets out of here alive. But as long as we are here, there is love. Embrace it.

All that you touch, all that you see, all that you taste, all you feel. All that you love, all that you hate, all you distrust, all you save. All that you give, all that you deal, all that you buy, beg, borrow or steal. All you create, all you destroy, all that you do, all that you say. All that you eat, and everyone you meet, all that you slight and everyone you fight. All that is now, all that is gone, all that's to come and everything under the sun is in tune, but the sun is eclipsed by the moon ~ Roger Waters, Pink Floyd, Eclipse from Dark Side of the Moon

The TNT Running Song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLZZZc35xWA

Do all the good you can, and make as little fuss about it as possible ~Charles Dickens

Week 10

I grew up in immersed in water, in the exotic dark-bottomed pool of our backyard and the mighty river just beyond, and have always loved the healing, peaceful serenity of water. Thanks to some deficiencies in my genetic engineering, I suffered a variety of relatively minor bio-mechanical break-downs this past week. Therefore today's run was in the pool. Aquajogging is a no-impact workout that allows a runner to maintain both muscle integrity and a close approximation of the cardio effects of running. Although I find it impossible to compare being in the water with being on the earth, each clearly has it's own beauty. I was there with a teammate, we were early and the place was relatively empty. We took a wide lane for ourselves and went to work. At some point we turned to find an older woman at the far end. She had on a cap that went all the way under her chin. There was a radiance about her, a look of pure joy, ecstasy. She was spinning around and around, dancing in the water, singing aloud. I realized her cap held earphones; she was listening to music only she could hear. As we approached, she fixed her sparkling eyes upon me, smiled with the abandon of a child and spoke, "On land I am in a chair, but here, in the water, I'm free." I looked up and there was her chair, poolside. A fully electric wheelchair, not the kind used for rehab. This was a chair she lived in, trapped for life. But in the water, she was a sight to behold, a force of nature, whole and complete. Watching her reminded me that whatever my body goes through in training for this marathon, I will recover. And I must never feel impatient or sorry for myself for being anything less than perfect.

I know but one freedom and that is the freedom of the mind~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

i thank You God for most this amazing day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees, and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything which is natural which is infinite which is yes ~e.e. cummings

Jon

I first spoke with Yael on the phone just over a year ago. With a toddler at home, she was six months pregnant when Jon found an enlarged lymph node on his neck that led to the diagnosis of CLL. The original plan was to radiate the localized node and then proceed to 'watch and wait', which is often done with less aggressive blood cancers. The hope was that it would give him at least two years of remission. But three months later, when their baby daughter was just six weeks old, his nodes began to grow again. While they were trying to get a consensus on the best treatment, Jon developed anemia of an unknown origin. It was a clear sign that Jon's CLL was behaving more aggressively and in October of last year, he started a chemo regime called FCR. After just three rounds he became refractory, meaning there was active disease in the midst of chemo. They went back to the drawing board and came up with a new plan. Jon is now on a very difficult chemo regime called O-FAR. While he is young and strong and has tolerated the first two rounds about as well as anyone could expect, he is also sick and exhausted following his treatments. Their journey has been fraught and complicated and they are scared pretty much all of the time. They need to get Jon into remission, and they desperately need a cure. On their behalf, I want to thank you for supporting LLS. Because of the generosity of people like you, Yael and Jon have hope for a happy ending to their story. Please know that when you give, you really do make a difference.

There is nothing heavier than compassion. Not even one's own pain weighs so heavy as the pain one feels with someone, for someone; pain intensified by the imagination and prolonged by a hundred echoes ~Milan Kundera

Week 9

Last week I breezed through our 12 mile run, speed work at the UCLA track and a 10K race (yes, all in the same week). But it was too much too soon and my body let me know it. For the past five days, I have been icing and eating Advil like candy. Today we ran 13.1 miles; a half-marathon. I did it with tight, hot, neoprene compression sleeves on my shins, a new pair of shoes and considerable mental resistance. In the first few miles, I worked through the mind stuff (thanks to Rachel). As I relaxed into the run, I remembered what it felt like to drive my brother's 1978 Gold Pontiac Trans Am. Wickedly fast and a whole lot of fun, I loved the feel of the road beneath me. Turns out it applies to my running shoes too. The new pair were so soft it was impossible to feel where I was putting my feet. At the suggestion of my wise coach (thanks Chris), I swapped them for my tried and true sneakers. Feeling the earth beneath me again, I was happy the rest of the way. This week we iced our legs in the ocean before heading back up the hill. Now we are in recovery mode for two weeks. Time to let my body adjust to the higher mileage, constant pounding, stress and strain to every ligament, bone, muscle and tendon. Maybe I'm becoming an athlete after all.

Begin to be now what you will be hereafter ~William James

Pay It Forward

Of all the ways I would describe myself, athlete would not be on the list. I am far more interested in matters of the heart and mind. Sure, I love a good hike in the mountains, a scenic bike ride, a slow walk on a long beach. But I am just as happy to curl up with a good book, watch a movie, enjoy a great meal. I am not competitive by nature and I know an 11 or 12 minute mile is not considered fast by any means. I am not running for physical prowess, personal gain or accomplishment. And while I enjoy the challenge of training, being part of the team, and pushing myself to be the best I can be, I am not in this for the race itself. If I finish on my own two feet, I will consider it a success. I am running because I know what is worth fighting for. LLS has already given David more time in remission than we could have otherwise hoped and now it is my turn to pay it forward. I am running to tell people's stories, to raise awareness, so that the individuals fighting these battles will know they are not alone. I am running, as so many others have before me, for newer and better drugs, and hopefully, one day, a cure.

The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it ~William James

Week 8

When I was just a little girl, in the days before seatbelts, I remember climbing into the area between the front seats of my mother's brand new Buick station wagon to watch the numbers and dials move. I asked if the car was very expensive. My mother asked why I wanted to know. I pointed out that it only had 300 miles left on it before it was done. She laughed for a long time before explaining to me that the odometer recorded the miles driven, not the miles left to go. I had to think about that for a while before concluding it was a bad way to build a car; it would be much better if you knew up front exactly how many miles you were going to get. The more expensive the car, the higher the miles! It made sense to me. Today we ran 12 miles. From the Santa Monica Pier up Ocean, up San Vicente to Wilshire, then back down to the Civic Center. And I found myself wondering how many miles I have left, how many ticks of my heart, how many times my feet can hit the pavement... I know I have a long way to go, but still, I wonder.

Each morning sees some task begun, each evening sees it close; Something attempted, something done, has earned a night's repose ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Just An Earth-Bound Misfit, I

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, I went to college. I supplemented my classroom education by owning and running a competitive hunter/jumper barn. During those years, I also indulged my longstanding interest in piloting small aircraft, Cessnas mostly, and a sweet little Piper Warrior that made for a great trip down the coast. Today I got to thinking of the similarities between riding, flying and running. They are all highly mental activities, requiring extraordinary focus and concentration, body control and knowledge. Each reaches their apex in a blessed moment of lift, slipping the bonds of gravitational pull. Runners, riders and flyers; we love the speed, grace and beauty inherent in form and physics... and we live for that magical feeling that comes from the exact moment when we are completely free.

Our imagination flies; we are its shadow on the earth ~Vladimir Nabokov

In Memory of Sgt. Joseph C. Nurre

Sooner or later, we learn that love and loss go hand and hand. It might be a basic equation for life: love = loss. But life is not a zero-sum equation. And while they are connected, love is never negated by loss. The only whole heart is a broken one. And truly, broken hearts sparkle sometimes, like shattered glass. It was grief that led me to join TNT and to run this marathon. What I have found along the way is so much love.

I want it said of me by those who knew me best, that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower where I thought a flower would grow ~Abraham Lincoln

Week 7

Up in the Santa Monica Mountains, high above the shore, there is a trail: just under four miles of a mostly uphill path to a look-out tower. The view is stunning, truly magnificent. It was cloudy and cold at 7:30am when the team gathered together, shivering. The arc of a rainbow in the distance set the scene for a promising adventure. We did not break into pace groups. This run was just about survival. As we arrived at the tower turn-around, an icy wind picked up and it began to rain. The downhill was faster but a bit treacherous. We staggered into the parking lot one by one and I had only one thing on my mind: piping hot pancakes smothered in maple syrup. After a well-earned brunch with a few teammates, my muddy shoes and I headed home. Warm and dry at last, I headed straight for the couch and slept for a really long time.

The world is mud-luscious and puddle-wonderful ~e.e. cummings

Runner's High

Have I mentioned that I am incredibly happy lately? Last week, after our ten miles, the famed runner's high swept over me full force and lasted for a full 24 hours. I was happy, I mean really, super happy. It was such a spectacular high that it left me in awe and I started thinking... maybe endorphins are the body's gift to the mind for pushing past self-imposed limits. Today I ran 4 miles in 44 mins at the park up the street from where I live. That is a full minute faster than my LSD Sunday runs, and a half minute slower than my treadmill pace. Just to check, I went an ran a 10:30 mile on the treadmill when I came back. Don't tell my coach please. We are in recovery mode for two weeks (after pushing hard for six). Apparently I am addicted to that runner's high.

You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. ~C.S. Lewis

P.S. Happy Spring!

the earth laughs in flowers ~e.e. cummings

The River

I grew up beside a swift, beautiful river. Even today, no place in the world says 'home' to me more. When you belong to something, when you know it intimately, it is a part of you forever. The river played an exceptional role in my childhood, teaching me some of the most important lessons of my young life. The spirit of the river whispers still, encouraging me on, always moving forward. After all, what does a river do? It runs. In it's own time, in it's own way, it runs until it reaches the sea. Standing at the rocky shore I am filled with memories of days gone by, a bittersweet nostalgia that lingers on. The river carries me to a place deep inside myself, reminding me who I am, where I come from and, like a compass rose, it is the measure by which I set my course for the journey ahead. If we are the children of our landscape, then I am this river's child.

Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you, you will suddenly know everything there is to be known... Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.

~ A.A. Milne

Week 6

I ran 10 miles! We ran up Ocean, San Vicente to 24th, back to Ocean, back up San Vicente to 20th and back to our starting place. Our pace group increased our run/walk interval to 5:1, which is a 25% increase in run time (thanks Nicole for doing the math!). I went through two packs of Gu and started substituting Cytomax (the SD marathon's official drink) for water. It was a perfect morning: the sky was overcast and cloudy, the ocean a luminous backdrop. At our water stop, we stretch overlooking the sea... can't ask for more than that! I confess I was a bit nervous about the double digits, but I just kept thinking of what our remarkable coach, Christopher Wilno, wrote to our team in a recent email: When your mind has doubts, let your heart jump in and set it straight. Training to run a marathon as part of a greater effort (to raise money for LLS) is simply not the same as doing it on your own. This week, my dear friend Yael sent an email to her friends (with a link to this page) explaining that her husband Jon, in whose honor I am also running, is currently being treated for Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia. His doctor is the director of an LLS Specialized Center of Research. Funds raised by TNT make it possible for him to work on developing new drugs that hopefully will cure CLL in the very near future. We are all in this together.

Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Pace, Time and Place

I am taking my training up a notch, working on form, core strength and speed (she says with a grin). My current schedule is: Sunday, LSD with TNT; Monday, rest; Tuesday, 45 min run w/focus on hills plus core strength; Wednesday, crosstrain; Thursday, 45 min run w/ focus on speed plus core strength; Friday, 45 min run; Saturday, rest. Ideally, I'd like to run the marathon a full minute per mile faster than my current pace.

How do you know what you are going to do until you do it? The answer is, you don't. ~ J.D. Salinger

Sometimes, the universe gives you a sign that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Today, I decided to try a new run. I was feeling unsure of myself... until I rounded the first corner. Walking the path, with a great big smile, was one of my favorite people in the world. He cheered me on and wished me luck (thanks Norm!). Really, it was just what I needed.

Week 5

David's lymphoma came with no warning. He was not sick, he had no symptoms. One morning he found a single swollen lymph node. We knew what to do, how to gather our team; we had been through this before. As we held tight to one another and prepared for the journey ahead, we had the benefit of knowing that for the lucky, cancer could be survived. Still, when our daughter asks her inevitable questions, the fear rises in our throats and catches there, wishing the truth was something other than it is. It is from that place that I began to run. And run. And run. Even in the beginning, it was clear to me that I was running from all of this. If I could just run far enough, fast enough, I might find a world where cancer does not exist. For a long time, I felt very much alone in that quest. Now, thanks to TNT and LLS, I run with others who also dream of a world without cancer. Together we are running, and working, to make that dream a reality.

Come away, O human child, to the waters and the wild, with a fairy, hand in hand, for the world's more full of weeping than you can understand ~William Butler Yeats

This Sunday, we took a field trip to Marina del Rey for the loveliest run. We started at Dock 52 and after a few turns, found ourselves by the UCLA Crew launch site along Ballona Creek. It was simply magic, looking out over the early morning waters as the oars sliced through the darkness, framed by the backdrop of the sea and a single black house on the far shore. We ran south along the boardwalk, beside the sleepy ocean; eight miles round trip in an hour and a half. I came away feeling happy, alive, strong. And grateful for every blessing.

In Case You Are Wondering...

What kinds of things LLS does with the funds raised here, this week I learned that LLS funded research that led to the development of Rituxan (by Dr. Ron Levy at Stanford). This is the drug that helped put and keep David in remission (scroll down to read about it in my first entry). Before Rituxan, the average time to relapse following chemo was far, far shorter. Funds raised by TNT teammates in previous years helped make David's remission possible today. That is truly awesome! Imagine the good that can come out of the funds we raise today for the patients who will need it tomorrow.

You can not do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Week 4

This week we ran 7 miles. Today we started out running north on Ocean Ave from the Santa Monica Pier, then east on San Vicente till our turn around at 23rd. It was much warmer than previous runs. For those of you who know the route, there is a slight uphill grade on the outbound. By the time I hit 20th, it was getting hard to breathe. Luckily, I had my Gu with me (Vanilla, which has a bit of caffeine). That stuff is magic! By the time we turned around at 23rd, that glucose was in my bloodstream and I was back in good form. The truth is, it was a hard moment. But the way everyone on the team supports and encourages one another... well, it makes all the difference between merely surviving and really enjoying the time we spend running together.

Be kind; for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle ~Plato

Going the Distance

Distance can be a welcome thing, giving us perspective we need to understand our lives. But it also keeps us separate. With every step I run this week, I have felt the reality, the tangibility, of that distance. And the closing of it: bringing together those in need and those who give, bringing myself closer to the finish line, one step at a time.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Week 3

I ran 5 miles today. My pace group is running at a 4:1 run/walk ratio, which will increase in run time as the season progresses. I finished today's run in 58 minutes, which is just under a 12 minute mile. No one listens to an ipod on our LSD (long slow distance) Sunday runs; many races consider music an 'aid'. Luckily the event I am training for is a ROCK N' ROLL marathon and every mile or so, there will be live bands! I love music of all kinds and this past Thursday night I had the singular pleasure of experiencing a live concert featuring Itzhak Perlman, the greatest violin virtuoso of our time. He is an instrument; the violin merely extends from his body. Mr. Perlman plays from his wheelchair, having contracted polio as a young child. As I listened, I thought about what it means to push through our own limitations.

I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor ~Henry David Thoreau

War and Peace

From the LLS website: This year, the Greater Los Angeles chapter will train an estimated 3,000 volunteers in marathons, triathlons and century rides who will raise over $7 million to help cure blood-related cancers and provide patient and family support. It occurs to me that I am part of something much more than a team; I am part of a vast volunteer army in a war against cancer, fighting to help those in need. When you support me by making a donation, you become part of that volunteer army too.

We make war that we may live in peace ~Aristotle

Week 2

We run on Sunday mornings down by the ocean. Our first group run (there are over 100 of us) was for 3 miles down the boardwalk, south from Shutters. I have only been running on a treadmill, so this was all quite new. We are a large group but we naturally fall into smaller groups when we run. The coaches are incredibly supportive and organized. We each have a mentor, someone who has run with TNT before and is an additional support: a team within a team. This week we ran 4 miles: up Ocean Ave to San Vicente and 4th, then back to the Santa Monica Civic Center. We keep a 'conversational pace' so we are able to talk, get to know each other. It's not about speed yet. It's about stamina and commitment. Finding your stride. Listening to your self.

The only journey is the one within ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

Week 1

On Monday, January 26, David had his last infusion (IV) of Rituxan, a monoclonal antibody which helped put and keep him in remission. It can only be given for two years following chemotherapy because it has long term implications for the immune system. In the months leading up to that final treatment, I began to feel anxious that our safety net was being pulled out from under us. It was an illusion really; we were told from the beginning he could relapse at any time. There are no guarantees. And follicular lymphoma always comes back. So with all that nervous energy, I started to run. And that running brought me to a place I had never before considered: here.

All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware ~Martin Buber