26.2

For the majority of people in the world, this number means nothing. For the 1% of the global population that run endurance sports, 26.2 is more than just a number–it’s a way of life. For me, it’s a sense of freedom.

Over the past two and a half years, like most people, my life has been a roller coaster ride. It began shortly after I moved to Los Angeles; and for those of you that haven’t had the immense pleasure of living here, it can be one of the most vapid, shallow cities in the world. This is particularly true if you’re (un)fortunate enough to work in the entertainment industry. Regardless, venturing out on your own to build a career in a harsh industry in your early 20s with no friends, family, or a solid foundation can leave you feeling incredibly overwhelmed, as it did me.

As if that weren’t enough on its own, it seemed as if the entire world started crumbling around me shortly after my move. Bad roommates followed by awful bosses, self-centered friends, sick family members, and lying boyfriends became “the ordinary” in my life. Sure, I had some major wins, but they always seemed overshadowed emotionally by the massive losses rampant in my surroundings.

And then one day, after everything I thought I knew of life laid shattered in pieces at my feet, I realized that I wanted more out of life than what I currently had. I wanted more than friends I never saw. I wanted more than living in a passive aggressive holding pattern with roommates that couldn’t be bothered to pay the rent on time. I wanted more than working 60 hours a week for a measly salary with bosses that grossly under-appreciated the best of their employees. I wanted more than having a sick, frazzled family that lived more than 3,000 miles away. I wanted more than to be this fat, emotional eater that was the brunt of jokes by skinny model counterparts.

Simply put–I wanted more.

Unfortunately, when you’re at the bottom of the barrel emotionally, physically, and spiritually–more is not only unfathomable, but in most cases it is unrecognizable. It’s even more unfathomable when you’re supposed to be the strong, composed, intelligent one that shouldn’t have been in this place to begin with. And let’s not even discuss the thought of having to tell another soul about it.

So there I was, alone and desperate. I was acutely aware that I wanted and deserved more out of life, but not really sure how exactly I should go about getting it. Hell, at that point, I didn’t even know what “more” was.

Then one day, the stars aligned, and I began to meet people that were incredibly influential in helping me realize not only what “more” looked like, but also how to achieve it. With the help of my dear friends Laurie Lamson, Amanda & Lisa de La Vega, Pierluigi Gianfreda, Roger Hodges, Jessica Hernandez, and Cynthia Pasquella, I finally started to dig deeper to figure out what I really wanted out of life–to get to my authentic, unaltered self. I just needed to figure out who that was.

It took me a while, but I eventually found my answer; and that answer, for me, lies in freedom. Freedom from the limits of “grown up reality” and all of the impositions that come along with it. The freedom to live life healthily and happily, regardless of the influences and variables around me that cannot be controlled. No one can control the people around them, but they can certainly control how these things affect their lives. This, to me, is the ultimate freedom. To live life the way I want to live it simply because I can.

This thought process led to the ultimate desire to have a healthy life–not just physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. This ultimately led to my decision to run a marathon and start this blog. It may seem a bit extreme to run 26.2 miles, but running a marathon is the ultimate expression of this new-found personal freedom by pushing yourself beyond the typical human limit.

So on October 17, 2010, the second day of my 26th year of age, I will accomplish this goal. I will be running the Nike Women’s Marathon, courtesy of Team in Training. The goal is not only to reach the finish line, but also to raise money for cancer treatment and research.

While it’s true that I have no personal, influential connection to cancer like most people that choose to run a marathon, I do have a philosophical connection–one that’s a by-product of this new-found philosophy. You see, it’s my personal belief that true freedom is not just stopping at your own fulfillment. In reality, true freedom is about taking it a step further and giving back. It’s about helping others not only find their own freedom, but also helping them achieve it.

Why is this important in the case of cancer? Well, in most cases, people with cancer and other debilitating diseases are extremely limited–limited by their access to quality healthcare, limited by the mental taxation of the disease, and limited by how it affects their daily life and those around them. Unfortunately, being able to achieve freedom isn’t as easy as simply deciding to do something different, as it is in my case. They’re stuck. Stuck with bone marrow transplants, chemotherapy, blood transfusions–you name it. This is all done with the hope that one day they will be free–free from cancer, free from disease, free from financial burden.

You see, freedom really is the goal. For one, for all.

Regardless of where you are in life, take a mental account of where your journey is heading. What are you doing, or not doing, to get closer to your own personal freedom? What are you doing, or not doing, to help others in the pursuit of theirs? What small change could you make today that could change the world for the better tomorrow? While it’s a difficult time in this shaky economy, it’s important not to let these outside factors affect our ability to move beyond them.

And lastly, if you feel so inclined, please help me in my pursuit to inspire and share freedom in others by donating to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing–I hope you too find what you’re looking for.

Love,

Tori