So, here's my running update. We have 18 days to go till the race (April 28th). This weekend is our longest pre-race run: 10 miles. I'm nervous. I ran 10 miles last summer, when I was in much better overall shape than I am in now, and then I injured myself. I have not been watching my nutrition very well and I know that I've put on some weight. Which, I might add, is heartily annoying considering that I am running all the frickin time. I should have a free pass to eat whatever I want. Sadly, I am not Anton Krupicka, and therefore I'm putting myself back on salad, starting today. Mmmm. Salad.

2 saturdays ago, I ran 8 miles, and felt like a complete princess. I kinda donked about 7.5 miles in, and after my run, I realized that I hadn't eaten. Anyway, I was nervous that week because last week, I was on call and knew that I wouldn't have time to run 9 miles as I was supposed to do...so, Tuesday last, 3 days after my 8 mile run, I just took the bull by the horn and ran 9 miles. I felt like Han Solo afterwards--I ran like a champ, like a really athletic hippopotamus. I rested on Wednesday, and thursday, I thought I'd go for a 4 mile run, sort of as a recovery. I was feeling pretty good, but my legs hurt. That's ok--my legs hurt all the time nowadays, and I figured that once I started going, my legs would get in the game.

They didn't. I ran a mile, and it felt like someone was hitting my hips with hammers with each step. It really hurt. So I took a good long look at myself, reminded myself that I had already run 17 miles in the last 5 days, and decided to turn around. I managed to limp my way back, 2 miles run total, and felt very very discouraged. I want to be one of those athletes that just runs and runs and runs; instead, I am an athlete that does his best.

I decided to give myself a recovery period to get over my overly aggressive running. i rested Friday, Sat, Sun, Mon, and Tues. Today, I had almost no pain in my legs for the first time in a long time, so decided to celebrate by running again. I went outside over lunch--it was surprisingly hot. The sun was out, blazing down, and there was little breeze. Within a mile of starting, I was sweating like a pig and wishing I had some water. I ran down the Really Big Hill of Pain and Humiliationl, and then turned around and ran back up it. Most of the way. I usually make it all the way up without stopping, but not today. I had to pause 2/3 up the hill and walk for a few paces, then I started up again and pushed it out to the top. At the top, I had nausea and chills for a second, so I knew I had pushed it hard. The heat made it tougher and I was beginning to question the wisdom of any of this nonsense. What am I doing running? I am not meant to be a runner. I am meant to sit on couches. I am meant to become sleek and plump and round, and wheeze as I rise from my chair, unable to make it up the stairs. But I refuse to kowtow to that way of thinking, and I start running again. I have to take a couple of breaks on smaller hills because the big hill kinda wiped me. But I keep going. I did the 3.2 miles that I planned on today (a 5k), and felt good at the end.

Tomorrow, I'm gonna run 4 if i have time, 3 if I don't, and then Friday, I'll probably use the elliptical to save my joints prior to Saturday. Saturday--BIG 10!!! I'll keep you posted.

Fat boy running, out. Knockin' out the miles for Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

Everyone, meet Jaydev. If there is something you need to know about him, it is that he is the MAN! Jaydev has been smacked with two particularly grumpy diagnoses--T-cell ALL (a less common variant of a common leukemia, a variant that can be tricky), and HLH (hemophagocytic lymphohistiocytosis). HLH is a syndrome that sometimes goes along with malignancies, and it serves to make the situation more dire. In situations like that in which Jaydev found himself, we tend to try to get someone into remission as fast as possible, and then head to bone marrow transplant if a good donor is available.

Fortunately, Jay did have a great donor available, and we were able to get him pretty promptly into remission. He has now completed his bone marrow transplant, and is in the midst of his long slow haul back towards normal life--but it has come at a high cost. He's really struggled with swelling/edema in his legs which has caused him a lot of pain. His therapy has left him exhausted and tired, which is especially hard for Jay as he is usually a very gregarious young man. Example: Day 10 of transplant, most folks are usually flat on their backs as if they have been hit by a mack truck. Not Jay--it was the season of Devali, a holiday back in India where his parents were born. Devali brings with it colors, lights, and great holiday sweets/food. His mother and sisters had prepared a big Devali feast for him and all the folks taking care of him on the floor--and on rounds, he made me stop what I was doing, sit down, and have a meal with him. Not just a meal, but a home-made Indian food feast served BY HIM! He stood at the doorway while we were dressed in our gowns/gloves/masks and served us delicious indian food, and made sure we tried everything. He was smiling and laughing, telling us all the good things about his family traditions, what the food meant to him. He was concerned that we should eat, and he was worried that we wouldn't get food if he didn't feed us, and he wanted us to understand how important this food was to him. It was both a surreal and incredibly moving moment for me. He is dear dear dear to my heart.

Anyone who knows Jay knows that the words "Can't" and "Won't" aren't in his vocabulary. He has attacked physical therapy with vigor, even though he is in such constant discomfort from pretty extensive edema in his feet. He pushes hard to get stronger, better. He takes care of his family, looking after his parents and his sisters both at the same time that they are all trying to take care of him.

I'm gonna come back a little later and try to add some more to this entry, but I wanted to get these photos out to folks today. Jay is indeed a HERO, and an amazing young man.

I'd been looking forward to the 4 mile run last Saturday all week. 3 mile runs are great and all, but 4 miles sounds like a proper run as opposed to a dilletantish stroll through the park, right? Well, unfortunately, I contracted a nasty URI last week (and am still fighting it off now). I don't really have asthma, but when I get a cold, it tends to settle in my lungs and cause me to wheeze, sometimes for a long time; this happened for the first time to me about 5 years ago, and actually derailed an effort to lose weight that I was working on at the time. Now at the first sign of a cold, I start using flovent like a wild-man, and can often head off any wheezing at the pass.

This cold definitely knocked Rhoda on her back--she'd been on the couch with fevers/cough/runny nose/chills for several days. I just had a cough and a runny nose, and with some symptomatic relief, I was doing fine--my cough wasn't even really that bad. By Friday, she was feeling better, and I was feeling like I was also over the worst of it...but out of the blue, Friday night, I started wheezing. Aaargh. I used my inhaler several times, and had a hard time shaking the wheeze. Rhoda, smart woman that she is, told me that I was not allowed to run in the cold weather on Saturday if my lungs sounded this bad.

Now anyone who knows me knows that I can be a bit stubborn at times, especially about things that are important to me. I had committed to running outside with the team on Saturday, and I really wanted to run with them. Saturday morning, I got up, and although I could tell that I was wheezing a little, I thought that I was much better than last night. I stuck an inhaler in my pocket and got dressed in many warm layers. I drove over to meet the team.

It was 17 degrees F on Saturday when I left the house, and it hadn't done a lot of warming up. My breathing was fine, but I took a couple hits off my inhaler prior to running. Unfortunately, I forgot to wear some kind of mask over my mouth or wear a scarf to help warm the air.

We started the run, and I felt great...but I could feel the bitterly cold air starting up an irritating growl in my lungs. I cleverly ignored it. I am by far the slowest runner on our team (a fact about which I am rediculously embarrassed, but that's a topic for a different blog post). After about a mile, I slowed down, and took a few puffs from my inhaler. I felt better, and then kept running. About 2 miles in, and my lungs were angry again.; breathing was becoming more of a struggle and I was starting to wonder if I had made a big mistake. But did I stop? No. I refused to quit. I kept running. I ended up having to use my inhaler several times on the run because the cold air was not making my lungs happy. One of the other runners had dropped back to check on me, and I told them I was fine, Iwas "just having a little asthma attack." They seemed reassured, and I kept running. At 4.4 miles, the run was done. I finished. I was wheezing audibly, but as soon as I quit running, my breathing slowed down to a normal pace, and I felt alright....except that my heart was pounding from all the albuterol.

Yes, I am a dork. No I shouldn't have run while wheezing like that. I should have stopped when I realized that the cold air was starting some bronchospasm...But I am seized by a stubborn refusal to accept defeat of any sort, especially in something like this that is so important to me. After all, my patients don't get to give up when the going gets tough...neither do I wish to give up. After Saturday, if you're keeping count with me, I have 255.1 miles to go before the race is run!

I was heading down to the treadmill over lunch, when I remembered that today was not cold!! To promptly changed directions and headed out the door and started running. The day was perfect. The temp was like 60 or something wonderful like that, the wind was fresh and cool, and I set off on a wooded trail right outside my workplace. I ran 2 miles and felt good. Not as good as yesterday, but I don't think that I ran long enough to feel as good as yesterday--the settling in for me doesn't happen till about 2.5-3 miles , so I didn't run enough to really loosen up. Last year, I would have taken my 3.2 mile success from yesterday and decided to run 4 today. I didn't make that mistake. I was supposed to run 2 miles today, and I ran 2 miles. Working hard on not getting injured!

I got to spend time with one of my patients today who will be on my hero board soon. You'll hear about him in the next day or so. He is doing great, and we had a nice office visit. It is good when your patients do well!

Finally, I feel like a runner, for real.

When I started running last year, I didn't have shin splints. I just started running, and all went well. Then I got the injury that I've talked about, and honestly, my fitness has not been the same since then. I am the kind of guy that needs a goal. When I started working out, I set a goal for myself of completing Insanity, a 60 day program. I did it--I didn't miss a day. Then I did insanity asylum. Then I did p90x. The programs all had calendars, and I would faithfully cross off days on the calendars. It gave me a goal and a purpose, and helped me get up and running so to speak.

WHen I started training for a half marathon last year, that became my goal, and when I got injured, I felt cast adrift. It was hard to return to p90x or Insanity with the same intensity because I had already conquered those goals. I loved the programs, and honestly, they saved my life because they gave me the tools to keep going on my fitness journey even when I had my hip issue. But in the back of my mind, I didn't have that same fire or motivation. I needed a new goal.

This half marathon feels like unfinished business. I am headed back towards conquering a goal that eluded me before. Unfortunately, I found that I was really struggling mentally because of my stupid shin splints. Every step hurt. After I ran, I wanted to curl up in a little ball because my legs hurt so much. Honestly, if all of you hadn't supported me financially I'm not sure that I would have stuck it out. I remembered the feeling of how running should be--last time I was running, the first mile was really tough always, but somewhere around mile 3, things would settle in and I'd get a rhythm, and feel good. I didn't have that feeling this time around--the runs have been just dogged determination not to stop.

Today, something changed.

I am sick--I've got an icky cold and I'm hopped up on albuterol/claritin D/motrin. I didn't feel like running. I could have easily used this cold as an excuse to not run today. But I know that I have committed for my patients to run this race, and I'm not going to let a cold stand between me and training. So during lunch, I got my running clothes on and got on the treadmill. I turned it up a little faster than was comfortable, and started running. 2.5 miles in, it happened. I can't explain it, but it's just an easing of everytthing--suddenly, my feet knew what to do, my stride was easier, my breathing was not ragged, my shins didn't hurt at all, my hip didn't hurt, and I felt like I could run another 5 miles! I didn't do that, because I'm not going to fall into that trap of running too much too soon again, but I did run 3.2 miles--a 5k. Today is actually supposed to be a 2 mile day, tomorrow is a 3 mile day, and thurs is a 2 mile day. I moved the 3 miles to today because I don't know if I'll still be up for running tomorrow with this cold, and I wanted to get my miles in.

Anyway, all of this is to say that I got my mojo back. Is it back to stay? I don't know. But today, running felt great. And for that, I am thankful. Thanks to all of you for your support, your words of encouragement, and your prayers. I appreciate them all more than I can say. Please keep the comments and support coming. If you are considering supporting my run financially, Please Do! It doesn't matter if it is $5 or $10 if that is what you can do, that's cool with me. But it is a huge support to kids who really need and deserve it, and it helps to keep my feet to the fire (so to speak) and keep running.

If you are keeping count, I have 261.1 miles to go before this race is run (I'm not counting the little extra bits of miles that I do--just the planned miles for the day). Tomorrow, Lord willing, I'll break the 260 barrier and be in the 250's!!

Love to all,

Jonathan